My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
