One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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