Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
