the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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