I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
