My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
