lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize