did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
