They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
