It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is wine microwaveable?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
