Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
