I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish you could order shots online.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
