I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
