i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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