What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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