its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Randomize
