Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize