just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
