her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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