Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
