I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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