alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
