Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
