My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
