My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
