Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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