we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
