I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
