If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
