I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize