just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize