I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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