hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
