my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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