How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
