How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to fling myself into the sun
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
