3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize