Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
