She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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