He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
