in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
