Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
