So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
