Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
