I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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