it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
