Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
