turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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