Do vagina's smell?
do herpes really smell.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
