Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's the barista slut.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
