Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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