Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
