I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Even my vagina gasped.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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