i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
