hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
