I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
