I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
