Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
