Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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