I am puke
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
