Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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