Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
