I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
